Supreme Judgements

So I was reading an article earlier about President Obama's nominee for the Supreme Court, and it got me thinking about why more people don't want or really angle to become Supreme Court justices. I mean little kids are all like "I want to grow up and be president," and every person elected to any public office probably has a wet dream about one day becoming Commander in Chief, but if you really think about it, being President is kind of a shitty ass job. I mean you're pretty much on-call every waking moment of your life, you live in your office, your hair turns white after about four years and basically you have to fix/pay lip service to everything that happens, even if you have no control over it. Iran tries to build a nuclear device? You're the one that's on the phone to Tehran, trying to talk them out of it, all the while planning your secret invasion strategy. American car companies fail? You're the one out there trying to say to people with a straight face that there isn't anything wrong with American made cars, they're great! Every family should have two! What's that your rearview mirror fell off for no reason? (true story)

Ok, so being president sucks, let's take an old looksypoo at the legislative branch...what's that? Everyone always hates congress. I mean Congress has a 22% approval rating and these were the people who got elected by a sweeping popular tide of change. So if I remember my Schoolhouse Rocks correctly, a law is created in the legislature, but they're like surrogate mothers, once that shit is popped out, you have no control over it. It's out there, and you're just watching it fromthe sidelines. So then the bill moseys on over to the White House where the president whips out his pen and says I'm going to execute this shit, which I guess is a more powerful position than just making something and letting it fly free...

So let's say you're an idealistic liberal like myself...I could run for congress, where I would have to sell out my ideals in order to get enough campaign donors to support my candidacy, go to Congress and the second I get there have to run for reelection and never get anything done but pay back favors to the powerful interests who got me elected. I could run for president, but the same campaign financing restrictions would apply, and even if I could manage to maintain a small scrap of my progressive ideals, I would have no means of implementing great changes if congress disagreed with me.

Here's the beauty of being a Supreme Court justice. All I would have to do is play it cool for like 15 years, work on legal causes that aren't controversial, never say or write anything controversial, read the constitution and wait for my appointment. If I'm not controversial, I should pass confirmation with no problemo, and then I can be like "suck it bitches, eat some of this liberal opinion," and they can't fire me and I never have to be reelected. Plus, you have a uniform! You could probably rock some sweatpants under that robe and no one would know or care. Or even if you did just totally scrub it to work that day, there are no cameras or anything in the court chamber so it would be no big deal. All you have to do is get some Harvard law school smarties to do all the actual work/research and then you just get to sit back and judge. I mean I am nothing if not a world-class judger, it's in the title of my damn blog. And writing opinions? What is a blog if not a forum for me to distill my thoughts into a pure, vitriolic liquour of opinion. And you have the job for life, so it's a pretty steady gig, so you can cancel your membership to careerbuilder.com...Also, you get summers off, so you can totally get a beach house and live it up. AND NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU DO. Apparently, David Souter lived alone in a tiny cabin for his entire life, and no one questioned any of it. And even if you do throw a crazy party at your summer home, and some intrepid reporter finds out about it, you can't get fired! You're totally under the radar, no one in America cares about the Supreme Court, so you can pretty much slowly dismantle legal conservatism and no one will notice. Hell, you could slowly dismantle the entire system and no one would notice, until it interferred with them watching American Idol. "Why is the picture box not working anymore?..."

These thoughts outlined in the above paragraphs are in no way endorsed or sanctioned by future Supreme Court Justice Megan Kardine. (gotta cover my bases)