First of all, I want to receive some credit for two blog updates within a week. I'm trying people, I really am.
Second, this afternoon I was sitting my anatomy conference, which is basically a huge lecture for dental students and the program I am in. I'm sitting in the last row, which is where all the cool kids sit. This morning, I took the exam to become a census taker, which started at 9:30 AM. It was only supposed to take an hour and a half, but due to the extremely slow talking of the census test administrator, it took almost two hours, so I didn't get to eat lunch before I had to get the train for my class at 1. So while in lecture, I start to eat some of the snacks that I had brought with me, because I'm starving. It was the excellent "Nuts about Dark Chocolate and Raspberries" trail mix from Trader Joe's and a classic: cheddar Goldfish. I was very much enjoying myself. After about ten minutes, the kid sitting next to me goes "Do have any louder foods to eat?" He certainly wasn't joking, and he had an uber-serious "You're talking while teacher is talking" look on his face. At this point, without really thinking or censoring what I said, I went "Do you have a bigger stick to put up your butt?" This probably wasn't the best response, because we had to sit next to each other for the rest of the lecture, but it was pretty much automatic. I could fucking hear the professor while I was eating, so I'm sure that this kid could too, unless he's deaf, which I don't think he was because he spoke to me without using sign language. Not to mention that the professor is fucking reading off the slide, which is being relayed on a projector screen the size of a two story wall. Like seriously, who does that? I'm minding my own damn business, eating some great snacks and you have to fucking be the lecture police and tell me I'm disturbing your lecture experience. If you have such a problem hearing the professor, why did you choose to sit in the back row? Plus, he was being annoyingly academic, nodding with the professor, stroking his chin to think of responses to rhetorical lecture questions, just basically being a brown-nosing, douchebag of a dental student. Not to mention the fact that he was shorter and possibly skinnier than I was, so I probably could have kicked his ass if I wanted. And he probably has a small penis.
The real question is what kind of loud and crunchy snack should I bring to class tomorrow...
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Open Letter
Dear girl in the train station taking self portraits with her cell phone camera,
Hi, you probably didn't notice me because you were really into your little photo shoot. I mean I guess I understand trying to take a picture of yourself if you're in front of a famous landmark, like say we were at Independence Hall or the Art Museum steps, but we were on Track 3 at Suburban Station waiting for the 3:22 R3 to Media. I mean it's a pretty depressing backdrop, what with the white walls and the dark mysterious stains on the cement. Not to mention that the lighting is horrible. All pale white people look blue, so harsh subterranean flourescents are not going to be your best light. Not to mention that you stood blocking the way for other passengers trying to get by. Also, I saw the really stupid, pouty Top Modelesque poses you were trying to pull off. Tyra says smile with your eyes, not squint them so that you look like you're having a difficult time reading the train schedule. Oh yea and your wardrobe choice was a little casual for a photo shoot...A hooded sweatshirt? Stacy and Clinton would not approve. I'm sure that 2.0 megapixel, plastic lens camera will be sure to give you a nice grainy blur when you post that puppy on MySpace later tonight. Although, I'm not sure that the 45 year old pedophiles posing as 20 year old guys trying to get you to meet them in a dark, unpopulated location for various sexual encounters will mind all that much.
On some of the later shots, you may notice someone in the background giving you really bizarre and horrified looks, almost like they are trying to express "WTF?" through facial expression alone. That would be yours truly!
Thoughtfully yours,
Megan
Hi, you probably didn't notice me because you were really into your little photo shoot. I mean I guess I understand trying to take a picture of yourself if you're in front of a famous landmark, like say we were at Independence Hall or the Art Museum steps, but we were on Track 3 at Suburban Station waiting for the 3:22 R3 to Media. I mean it's a pretty depressing backdrop, what with the white walls and the dark mysterious stains on the cement. Not to mention that the lighting is horrible. All pale white people look blue, so harsh subterranean flourescents are not going to be your best light. Not to mention that you stood blocking the way for other passengers trying to get by. Also, I saw the really stupid, pouty Top Modelesque poses you were trying to pull off. Tyra says smile with your eyes, not squint them so that you look like you're having a difficult time reading the train schedule. Oh yea and your wardrobe choice was a little casual for a photo shoot...A hooded sweatshirt? Stacy and Clinton would not approve. I'm sure that 2.0 megapixel, plastic lens camera will be sure to give you a nice grainy blur when you post that puppy on MySpace later tonight. Although, I'm not sure that the 45 year old pedophiles posing as 20 year old guys trying to get you to meet them in a dark, unpopulated location for various sexual encounters will mind all that much.
On some of the later shots, you may notice someone in the background giving you really bizarre and horrified looks, almost like they are trying to express "WTF?" through facial expression alone. That would be yours truly!
Thoughtfully yours,
Megan
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