Blog Update?

So I realize it's been a while since my last post, but sooo much has happened that I have opinions and judgements on that it's too hard to choose what to write about! So I'm going to make a list of possible topics, there will be a vote and whatever garners the most votes will be the subject of my blog entry! Yay democracy, and just like in Iran, if I don't like the outcome, I will just create a landslide victory in the direction that I want to go...

So here is the list:

1) Jon and Kate + 8 + D.I.V.O.R.C.E - I know this is a little cliche, but I don't watch the show and Gail Collins wrote a Times OpEd about it so I feel that it's fair for me to weigh in as well with my vitriolic hatred for these people.

2) The Governor of South Carolina...I mean come on how freaking funny is this story right now. As Jon Stewart said last night nothing is better than "conservative men with liberal penises"

3) The Team That Shall Not Be Named - I won't enjoy discussing this, but I do have the desire to vent about how they barely resemble a professional baseball team at present. Also, I have trade scenarios and the definitive version of the lineup.

Write-ins will also be accepted. Enjoy!

A Lingering Thought

So earlier, I was thumbing through the paper when I stumbled across the sports section and there was a giant picture of Kobe Bryant because the Lakers had won the NBA Finals. It got me thinking about how Kobe has been around a really long time now, yet he's definitely keeping a lower profile after that whole alleged rape thing. Was he found not guilty or did they settle the case out of court? Ok, so I'm looking on wikipedia, which is telling me that Kobe's middle name is Bean making his full name Kobe Bean Bryant. Henceforth, I shall only refer to him as Kobe Bean. Not that I really discuss Kobe that much or give a rat's ass about professional basketball, but just in case, that's what he's going to be called. Another curious tidbit, his current nickname is Black Mamba, which is not a nickname that you probably should be advertising when you've been accused of using your Black Mamba inappropriately in the past. Just some free PR advice Kobe Bean. Apparently the criminal charges were dropped and the civil suit was settled out of court.

But yea, I mean remember back in the day when Kobe Bean was like the kid phenom who played straight out of high school? The real lingering thought from the Kobe Bean thought process was remember how he took Brandy as his date to his senior prom? Before he was even in the NBA he had enough connections to get Brandy, in her Moesha heyday to go with him. And that brings me to the question that lingers in my mind. Where is Brandy? I mean has anyone heard about her at all? I sure haven't. According to wikipedia she's recording an album, but who knows if we'll ever hear it...doesn't seem to be acting much...seems pretty standard post-fame behavior...BRANDY KILLED SOMEONE! Well not intentionally, it seems like kind of a freak accident, but it seems like everyone and their mother who was even remotely involved in the accident is now suing the pants off her. Am I the only person who didn't hear about this? But I guess that's what she's been up to...wantonly murdering on the open road with her Range Rover. I feel bad that she's being sued because it seems like anyone who gets involved in an altercation with a celebrity needs millions of dollars for pain and suffering. I mean I have pain and suffering from altercations with people, but I'm not about to sue them because most of them are broke-ass. From the wikipedia description it sounds like Brandy messed up by rear-ending this person, but then like a freak chain of events occured that if it was just the rear-ending wouldn't have been fatal. Why should Brandy have to pay because the universe is governed by the sometimes cruel, random whims of chance?

M.I.A. and Fry

Sorry for the long delay in posting on my blog, but I was pretty busy last week, what with work and this interview thing for the Temple program that I applied to.

As many of you may know, I started a fish tank in March. After an initial massacre due to the filter wheel not spinning, I restocked with eight fish and things have been going fine Last night, my dad wanted to move the tank because he is doing hardwood flooring in the room where we have it, so he decided to try and move it and the stand while it is full. It's only a ten gallon tank, and the stand has wheels, so it wasn't really a problem. We got it moved with only minor splashes, and I went to feed the fish when I noticed that Harry, one of my male turqouise guppies didn't come up to the top to feed as he usually does. I could not see him anywhere. I thought perhaps he was hiding under the little rock cave that I have in there, but I lifted it up and he is nowhere to be found. He's literally disppeared. Now I could have sworn that I had seen him earlier in the day, but I'm not definitely sure of that. How does a fish just disappear an aquarium with a hood on it? I have three theories:

1) My fish was cannabalized by his tank mates, more quickly than if I had put him in with pirahnas. Now it seems odd, as they've all been in the tank for the same amount of time and they are all community fish, and if anything thing the larger fish are females and get harrassed by the guppy males. He could have died, I supposed and his tank mates could have eaten his carcass, but I don't think they had enough time to do that.

2) He might have come out of the tank during the splash during the move, but I didn't see anything on the floor near where the splash occured. The only way that he would be completely gone is if he splashed out and Paul ate him, which I wouldn't put past him, but again the hood was on the tank and it wasn't that big of a splash, and most of the fish were hiding at the bottom.

3) He was raptured for the coming fish apocalypse. This is actually what I'm leaning towards, and I think that I'm going to start a religion based on it, hopefully I can make it into a money making scheme a la Scientology.

In other news, my two platy females are popping out baby fish like it's their job. Currently, the count is up to 7. This too was puzzling as each species is all of one sex, but apparently female fish who are live bearers can store sperm from mating for quite some time. So basically my female fish horded sperm from the males in the tank at petsmart and are now popping out babies. At first there were only two, and then over the weekend I found three more, and yesterday there were two more who came out of hiding when I lifted up the one decoration.

The search for Harry and more baby fish will continue.

Supreme Judgements

So I was reading an article earlier about President Obama's nominee for the Supreme Court, and it got me thinking about why more people don't want or really angle to become Supreme Court justices. I mean little kids are all like "I want to grow up and be president," and every person elected to any public office probably has a wet dream about one day becoming Commander in Chief, but if you really think about it, being President is kind of a shitty ass job. I mean you're pretty much on-call every waking moment of your life, you live in your office, your hair turns white after about four years and basically you have to fix/pay lip service to everything that happens, even if you have no control over it. Iran tries to build a nuclear device? You're the one that's on the phone to Tehran, trying to talk them out of it, all the while planning your secret invasion strategy. American car companies fail? You're the one out there trying to say to people with a straight face that there isn't anything wrong with American made cars, they're great! Every family should have two! What's that your rearview mirror fell off for no reason? (true story)

Ok, so being president sucks, let's take an old looksypoo at the legislative branch...what's that? Everyone always hates congress. I mean Congress has a 22% approval rating and these were the people who got elected by a sweeping popular tide of change. So if I remember my Schoolhouse Rocks correctly, a law is created in the legislature, but they're like surrogate mothers, once that shit is popped out, you have no control over it. It's out there, and you're just watching it fromthe sidelines. So then the bill moseys on over to the White House where the president whips out his pen and says I'm going to execute this shit, which I guess is a more powerful position than just making something and letting it fly free...

So let's say you're an idealistic liberal like myself...I could run for congress, where I would have to sell out my ideals in order to get enough campaign donors to support my candidacy, go to Congress and the second I get there have to run for reelection and never get anything done but pay back favors to the powerful interests who got me elected. I could run for president, but the same campaign financing restrictions would apply, and even if I could manage to maintain a small scrap of my progressive ideals, I would have no means of implementing great changes if congress disagreed with me.

Here's the beauty of being a Supreme Court justice. All I would have to do is play it cool for like 15 years, work on legal causes that aren't controversial, never say or write anything controversial, read the constitution and wait for my appointment. If I'm not controversial, I should pass confirmation with no problemo, and then I can be like "suck it bitches, eat some of this liberal opinion," and they can't fire me and I never have to be reelected. Plus, you have a uniform! You could probably rock some sweatpants under that robe and no one would know or care. Or even if you did just totally scrub it to work that day, there are no cameras or anything in the court chamber so it would be no big deal. All you have to do is get some Harvard law school smarties to do all the actual work/research and then you just get to sit back and judge. I mean I am nothing if not a world-class judger, it's in the title of my damn blog. And writing opinions? What is a blog if not a forum for me to distill my thoughts into a pure, vitriolic liquour of opinion. And you have the job for life, so it's a pretty steady gig, so you can cancel your membership to careerbuilder.com...Also, you get summers off, so you can totally get a beach house and live it up. AND NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU DO. Apparently, David Souter lived alone in a tiny cabin for his entire life, and no one questioned any of it. And even if you do throw a crazy party at your summer home, and some intrepid reporter finds out about it, you can't get fired! You're totally under the radar, no one in America cares about the Supreme Court, so you can pretty much slowly dismantle legal conservatism and no one will notice. Hell, you could slowly dismantle the entire system and no one would notice, until it interferred with them watching American Idol. "Why is the picture box not working anymore?..."

These thoughts outlined in the above paragraphs are in no way endorsed or sanctioned by future Supreme Court Justice Megan Kardine. (gotta cover my bases)

Grand Theft Chocolate

I love dark chocolate M&Ms, but grocery stores and Wawa and places have stopped carrying the small single serving bags, leaving you to have to purchase the giant sized bags, which you open and eat like two handfuls and then you take it home and your dad eats the rest. The single serving is the perfect sized for a dark chocolate boost when you have that craving, it hits the spot. I was discussing this with this woman that I work with, who really likes the dark chocolate peanut M&Ms, which are OK but I prefer the plain ones. Anywho, she was shopping at the dollar store or five below or something and she found the single serving bags of dark chocolate M&Ms. Being a very nice person, she bought me three bags and brought them to me on Monday. I was so excited! Especially since I tend to have a blood sugar crash at around three or four in the afternoon and I felt that those M&Ms would hit the freaking spot. I had one of the bags on Monday afternoon, and I put the other two back in the plastic shopping bag that they came in and left them in a bin on my desk. I was off on Tuesday, and no one was doing shipment, so they should have been just sitting their protected in their plastic cocoon until I returned on Wednesday to eat them. So move ahead in time and it comes to Wednesday afternoon, and it's the first day of my period and I'm tired and crabby and I want to put those M&Ms in my mouth and show them the world. I go over to my bin and I open the plastic bag and I see only one remaining bag. I was a little confused, but I was doubting myself. Maybe I miscounted the number of bags initially and there were only two. The woman who bought them for me was going to be in on Thursday, so I figured I would wait and check with her.

Thursday dawns, a beautiful day, and I go up to the my friend who so generously gave me M&Ms and ask "Hey, how many bags of M&Ms did you bring me on Monday?" Instantly, she replies "Three." There was no doubt, no hesitation. Now, I must face the fact that a co-worker took a bag of MY M&Ms. Just took them and left no note, didn't ask, nothing. I instantly create a mental list of suspects who were all present in the store at the time of the crime:

1) Ron, my boss, who would have no reason to go over to my desk. Although he does like dark chocolate, he doesn't take things from other people. Suspicion level low
2) Nicole, my other boss, who is on a serious diet, and who doesn't like dark chocolate. Suspicion level low
3) Jill, the assistant manager, who is a notorious food hog, morbidly obese and regularly steals food that is in the fridge. Loves dark chocolate M&MS and would have been near my desk to look at something on the computer. Also a pathological liar who uses food as her emotional crutch. Suspicion level high.

I mean the thing that is ridiculous about the whole thing is that there was free cake widely available for public consumption, yet the fat whore went and took my M&Ms. I don't even want to talk about how wrong it is to take other people's stuff, but to have to secretly steal someone elses candy to satisfy your gargantuan appetite/maintain your 70% body fat is just pathetic. And then apparently she was complaining to another co-worker about how she's having trouble losing weight. I'm pretty sure that stolen M&Ms are very high in calories. Guilt is very fattening. I mean it wouldn't bother me as much if it were a person that I liked to begin with, but Jill is like the most dishonest person that I know, so it's just like the final straw. Then I asked her about it, and she totally lied and said it wasn't her. When you say "Honestly, it wasn't me", while darting your eyes and looking away, you're lying. And I don't like being lied to...I mean seriously how immature do you have to be to steal someone's chocolate and lie about it. The problem is I have no definitive proof. I am considering setting a trap now, leaving some candy as bait that will easily identify her as the culprit, but it's difficult logistically...I will let you know if I come up with a way to catch the theif...Too much for one bag of M&Ms? I think not...

Jeopardy!

So I found out today that I've been selected to audition as a contestant for Jeopardy in NYC! I took the online test a while ago, and I had completely forgotten about it, but then Alex called and was like "Megan, come try out for the show!" No, not really, it was an e-mail. The weird part was that the e-mail was like:

You're invited to audition to become a jeopardy contestant

DATE: June 23rd, 2009
PLACE: New York City

Like I'm just supposed to mosey on up to the Big Apple where my audition will take place? I mean at least put down a borough or something. I hope there will be more specifics later, or perhaps this is some sort of challenge. The people who determine the mystery location of the audition get to be on the show, while the rest of the people wander around Central Park or Times Square and get mugged.

Did anyone else read that William and Mary now holds the Guinness World Record for the most people doing the Thriller dance at one time? I mean is there anything weirder than that? And that I read about it in the Philadelphia Inquirer instead of one of the bevy of alumni e-mails that I get on a daily basis? Possibly if the alumni association was more interested in keeping alumni informed of current campus happenings as opposed to trying to get me to call a special hot line and be part of an alumni directory, I would have known about such a remarkable accomplishment. Also the record is 242 people, which I guess is impressive, but I don't think it will stand for very long. I mean I guess if 242 people memorize and do the entire video dance, well then that is impressive, because that requires a lot of planning and studying. So I guess in that respect, it's pretty standard that William and Mary would try and break a record that requires a lot of studying and practice.

Jon Stewart mentioned W&M tonight on The Daily Show when he was talking about Obama at Notre Dame, and they showed this girl who had taped a cross and baby feet on the top of her cap, and Jon mentioned that he wore a replica of Colonial Williamsburg made entirely out of dildos on his head...TRIBE PRIDE! Also, Glenn Close was on Oprah last week, so we Tribe Alum are out there in the media.

Thought Smorgasborg

1) Tina Fey is the sharpest writer on the best show on television, and it gets better every week. If you don't watch it or you don't get it, the prospect of a future friendship may be doomed.

2) I was thumbing through the catalog at work and I stumbled across a model who I believe to be Saleisha, AKA Tyra clone from America's Next Top Model. She's more prominently featured on the website, so I'm going to need some fresh eyes to confirm that it is in fact her.

3) I have nothing to say about the Phillies right now except that their play is mocking me at the moment. Cole Hamels pitches well and one of the best offenses in the league scores one run. Then they manage to come back in the bottom of the ninth only to give the game right back in the tenth, forcing me to sit through another full inning of specrapular play. Really nice guys, i want that half hour back. At least they get to go to the White House tomorrow, and the world will marvel at the team and president who both have enormous potential and are currently squandering it on mediocrity. Run with your liberal instincts Barack...run with them

4) Am I the only one who was probably thinking the same things that Wanda Sykes was saying about Rush Limbaugh? I mean it's probably not nice to joke about his body failing over time because the man is morbidly obese and has a history of drug abuse, so it's only a matter of time before he joins the great Reagan Revolution in the sky...

5) I am also taking bets that by the time the Pope gets back from Israel, he has pissed off both the Jews and the Muslims. I mean I'm amazed at how many people actually care what an old man in a ridiculous hat has to say. I mean if an ordinary person wore a hat like that and then said "I am the leader of God's one true church, so listen up my homies..." Everyone would be like, if God is omnipotent, you would think he would at least update the wardrobe every few years. It's not like the Vatican doesn't have the money, just sell some of the collection from the lesser Renaissance masters...But they might still be paying a lot of hush money to altar boys, so they might want to wait on that one...